A poem about our Destiny 2: The Witch Queen review

Twas the night before Witch Queen and in every house,
Gamers lay down their controller or mouse.
Just twenty-four hours before the expansion is live,
When Savathûn returns with her light imbued Hive.

And so our intrepid reviewer went early to bed,
With dreams of a Throneworld spinning round in his head.
Bungie worked hard and turned off the servers
And fans were excited, clamoured and fervoured.

The early hours came and the pre-load began,
There were cheers of delight from the TSA Clan.
But wait, what’s this, a clamour and roar?
An issue, a problem, on PlayStation 4!

“Erm… Technical issues,” Bungie began,
“Have rather confuzzled our excellent plan.
On PlayStation 4 a full game download you must do,
We apologise for this; we’re sorry, it’s true.”

But no matter for I, as I slept through the night,
As my PlayStation 5 would be ready to fight.
The new day dawned and I woke from my sleep,
My console turned on with a happy little beep.

The day dragged on, but the hour was soon nigh,
My DualSense was raised and I let out a cry.
“I’m coming for you Witch Queen and your little dog too,
My Gjallarhorn is ready, no mercy for you!”

But wait, a problem! I had redeemed my review code,
But the Witch Queen was missing, vanished, not showed.
My Season Pass absent, something was wrong,
I screamed rude words both filthy and strong.

I looked once again and became very dismayed,
My expansion is missing, but wait… I can play?
Why yes, I can, the expansion still works,
It’s a bug, an issue, a problem, a quirk.

And so I began the brand new campaign,
The Pass was still missing, a bit of pain,
But no matter, I can play and beat that old Queen,
She’s in for a fight like you never have seen.

Missions flew past, one, two and three,
But then it all stopped, no passage for me.
The game locked me out, “You need the expansion”, it said.
“I OWN IT” I screamed, my face turning red.

I contacted Bungie and emailed the PR,
“It’s broken,” I wrote, “I can’t get very far.”
“We know,” was the reply, “We’re fixing it soon,
We’ll get you a new code by this afternoon.”

And so I waited and twiddled my thumbs
While others played on with new Exotic guns.
At last, salvation, a new code arrived,
“Thank f*ck for that,” I happily cried.

But my joy was short lived, a new problem when
I entered the code on the PSN.
“You own this content,” the screen declared,
I began quite frantically ripping out all of my hair.

Desperate emails were sent to the nice PR lady,
Hours went by, could they fix it? Maybe.
Another suggestion, a sneaky attack,
“Have you tried redeeming the code using the PlayStation App?”

But I had to wait to heed their new call,
As I had tried to fix the problem with a complete reinstall.
I watched and waited and as the gigs crawled up,
Would I finally be in with some much needed good luck?

The reinstall did nothing, a waste of my time,
Will the PlayStation App be the saviour of mine?
I timidly committed the twelve letter code,
Pressed continue and waited, would the screen load?

Success! It worked! Turn on the PS5 now!
Huzzah! I have Witch Queen, PR take a bow!
It’s all there waiting, the Season Pass too,
What an awful kerfuffle and hullabaloo.

I’m coming for you Witch Queen, I’ll kill you myself,
Just forty-eight hours behind every one else.

TLDR: The review code for Destiny 2: The Witch Queen completely borked my game and we’ve only got it working and playable 48 hours after the expansion went live. My review is going to be somewhat delayed, apologies.

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• Source: https://www.thesixthaxis.com/2022/02/25/destiny-2-the-witch-queen-review-a-poem-where-is-our-review/